In Which I Make Grown-Up Decisions.

So a few things happened this week:

1) I got a Keurig. Finally. It's red. I like.

2) I got noise-cancelling headphones. For the writing and listening of too-loud music.

3) I withdrew from my RN-BSN program and am now in the process of searching for potential grad schools for a MSN in Health Systems Leadership. I've made a tenuous career plan, y'all. It's weird and scary and exciting. Currently, my top two picks are Vanderbilt and Duke Universities. I'm taking the GRE in 2 weeks.

This is real.

Learning humility.

There are a lot of jokes about nurses, considering that the kind of work we do often involves bodily processes and orifices that don't make for good dinner conversation (except in my opinion.)

What you don't hear so much about, at least not from outside the circle of nursing, is the great lessons in humility you experience day after day, sometimes every hour of your shift.

My job is in a very rural area, serving close to a 100,000 people who have spent generations living on conventional wisdom. Often that leads to poor health choices, low compliance with prescribed health regimens, and equals frustration for all members of the health care team. When I took this job, very aware of the area in which I'd be working (an area I grew up in), I was afraid. Afraid that I would lack compassion. Afraid that I wouldn't be able to see past the disease process, past the poor choices and unfortunate events leading to this person lying in the bed in front of me. Afraid that my middle-class, highly-educated judgment would get in the way of the empathy integral to the heart of nursing.

I'm grateful, and humbled, to say that I was wrong.

Do I still feel frustrated when I see people out in the community making poor health choices? When I see parents chain-smoking in the car with their children? Absolutely.

But when I've had substance abusers overdosed and diabetics losing another portion of their foot, I'm finding that the compassion I thought I would struggle to find is eager to come to me, eager to show my patients that it doesn't matter how many times they've misstepped or screwed up, there is always a chance, a hope for a new beginning.

The humility is everywhere. When I enter a patient's room at 1am and find their loved one quietly sobbing in the corner. When a proud diabetic admits they don't understand their disease, but they're finally ready to. When the bereaved spouse of a marriage older than my parents graciously bids farewell to their partner.

I grab this humility and I hold it close. Nursing is a profession where it's easy to become jaded, where patients stop being people and start becoming just another insert diagnosis here.

I don't want that.

So in the still of the night, when the darkness is forgiving and offers a screen of protection for pride, when patients and families are at their most vulnerable, I stop and I listen and I feel. And then I do my best, day after day, hour after hour, to remember.

Getting in the Write frame of mind...

Now that the major stress of nursing school is behind me, I'm trying to find my way through the new stress of a new job, a new career, and the sometimes seemingly-impossible challenge of being a new nurse. Most of all, I'm desperate to get back into a routine that allows for both working (and working extra), and still spending time on doing the things I love, like writing and running.

The running part is proving more difficult (spending 13+ hours on my feet doesn't incline me to want to run the next morning), but the writing part I'm hoping to get back on track soon.

Enter...

A lot of people in the writing/blogging world know DL Hammons. I had the distinct pleasure of having breakfast with him and his lovely wife a couple years ago, when they were in town for a football game. DL has been hosting WRiTE Club for 2 years, this being the third.

WRiTE Club is a fun, simple, head-to-head weekly challenge between anonymous pieces of 500 word fiction, judged by the readers.

And there's an ultimate prize!

I think I'm throwing my hat into the ring this year.

Why not give it a bout?

It's Official Again.

I passed my boards.

I'm a Registered Nurse!

Seems like just yesterday I started this whole journey, doesn't it? And now this morning I'll be going to HR to trade my badge in for one with "RN" under my name.

Crazy, crazy. But happy!

It's Official

I'm done with nursing school, y'all.

It took 2 years and moving backward in degrees, but I finally have letters after my name!

Now someone came in while I was busy studying and made my house really dirty. I need to get on that, stat.

First day vs. last day

Yesterday was the last day of class for my R.N. program. I'd love to say we were all feeling surreal and full of respect for the major accomplishment we're about to complete, but the lecture was on genitalia and at one point the professor definitely drew a penis on the powerpoint, so you can just imagine. Also, we had an exam first thing and we all hate everything by now, so we just want to be DONE.

I went back and found the post I wrote on my first week of school. I will now reflect on it:

 "Homework" [as an English major] consisted of reading the text and being prepared to analyze and discuss during class. I grew tremendously as a writer during those years, both academic and non-academic, and I learned to think critically and analyze anything written. Those are skills.

Still having to read and think critically, but in a far more important way now than I ever did then. 


But now I'm learning skills. As I told my brother on the phone yesterday, it's a crazy, amazing feeling to walk into class knowing nothing, and walk out 4 hours later knowing how to do things. 

I do know lots of things, but I don't really think about them anymore. They're just things that you have to do. Still cool, though, I guess. But a lot of the times, it's more of a pain than excitement...

Getting CPR-certified was another eye-opener. You suddenly have this weight of responsibility--if you see someone go down,  more than likely you're the only one who's going to know how to respond. That's a lot of pressure. I constantly think about giving CPR, different scenarios in which it might happen, and run through the steps over and over in my head.

Yeah, I never do this anymore. I've been re-certified twice since then and done so many mock codes that I'm blue in the face (blue, get it? Code Blue?) Fortunately, I've still yet to have to do CPR, though a friend of mine did when he was shadowing in the ICU one day. Does it scare me? I mean, in a way, but mostly I know it's just something that must be done. 


This weekend I have to write a paper about Why I Chose Nursing/What Nursing Means to Me. I have so many feelings about this subject, some of which I'm not sure belong in that paper. Such as: I like knowing things. I like having facts in my head like secrets the rest of the world doesn't know. When someone asks a question, I like to know the answer.

HA. I don't remember what that's like. 


 I like being asked for an opinion because I'm the most qualified to answer.

False! I am now my family's substitute for proper medical care, and even though I always start by saying GO TO A FREAKING DOCTOR, they still prefer my opinion. I do manage to fit in GO TO A DOCTOR about ten times per conversation, though. 


Anatomy and Physiology makes me giddy. I'm going to know the name and function of every part of your body. It's like a secret language, an In club that only certain people are part of.

Yeah, I lost my membership to that club. Know the name and function of every body part? HAHAHAHAHA. 

It's amazing.

Okay, that's still true. 

Also, we're going to have a cadaver lab in mid-October and I am so excited.

That was totally awesome, I do admit. 



So am I a bitter old almost-RN now? No...but yes. And I haven't even started my career! 

Happy trails! I have 2 weeks, 2 finals, and 6 standardized tests, and then I'm outtie! 

The post I've been waiting for.

I made an unspoken agreement with myself not to post again until I had something worth sharing, and I'm pleased to announce that I do. If you're Facebook friends with me, then you already know, but hey:

I got an RN job!

Phone interview last week, went in yesterday and already had the position before I walked in, basically.

I'll be working at a rural hospital on a general med-surg unit. Basically, this means that I'm going to have to get my A-game from the start, since there won't be as much hand-holding for me as there would be at a bigger hospital. I'll be working quite a bit, but hubby and I are thrilled at the prospect of increasing our income by about 120%.

I'll start out as a nursing assistant, basically to help start orientation to the unit, and then as soon as I pass boards and my license number can be seen online, I'll switch over to the RN role!

So much pressure relieved. Now I just have 8 final exams and that pesky board exam to pass...