For exactly 10 days, this blog was deleted. I downloaded its contents first, of course--can't be that hasty. I've also deleted my Twitter account, which won't be getting rebooted.
Because these things were stressing me out. And it's okay. It's okay to admit that seeing other people either constantly promoting their or their friends' successes grates on you when you're not in the place to be working toward that yourself. It's okay to admit that seeing just one more pithy, self-indulgent tweet from an agent is going to make you shoot a hole in your computer screen (though I wouldn't recommend it.) And it's okay to admit that you may not be sure how to remove yourself from these stressors.
But this blog has brought me a lot of joy over these past almost 3 years. I've met new friends and acquaintances, some who have become very dear friends in real life. I've learned a lot about writing and publishing, some which I wish I could forget. And I've learned a lot about myself, and how I feel interacting through this type of public forum, and what sorts of things I feel compelled to blog about. Just count yourselves lucky I'm restraining from most of what I want to say concerning your health, because I can go on for hours about that (sorry, hubby).
Anyway. Just wanted to get that off my chest. I know I'm not alone--so many people talk about feeling burned out, but there's not much talk about what you can do about it when terribly long hiatuses don't do a thing. And it's all well and good to say you're not going to worry about it, but if you're anything like me, that's just a waste of hot air. I'm the kind of person who holds on to things and nibbles at them worryingly for many years. It doesn't matter how hard try to "let go"--because believe me, I do try--I can't shake the thoughts and obsessions. I won't get much deeper into that, because you don't want to hear me regurgitate an entire semester's worth of self-insight I gained from my psychiatric rotation, but let me say I have gained a lot.
So. I'm not okay, but I'm not going anywhere.
Here's a picture of my cats: