Friday, December 14, 2012

Ends, Beginnings, and all the In-Between

Hi Friends.

   For exactly 10 days, this blog was deleted. I downloaded its contents first, of course--can't be that hasty. I've also deleted my Twitter account, which won't be getting rebooted.

   Why?

   Because these things were stressing me out. And it's okay. It's okay to admit that seeing other people either constantly promoting their or their friends' successes grates on you when you're not in the place to be working toward that yourself. It's okay to admit that seeing just one more pithy, self-indulgent tweet from an agent is going to make you shoot a hole in your computer screen (though I wouldn't recommend it.) And it's okay to admit that you may not be sure how to remove yourself from these stressors.

   But this blog has brought me a lot of joy over these past almost 3 years. I've met new friends and acquaintances, some who have become very dear friends in real life. I've learned a lot about writing and publishing, some which I wish I could forget. And I've learned a lot about myself, and how I feel interacting through this type of public forum, and what sorts of things I feel compelled to blog about. Just count yourselves lucky I'm restraining from most of what I want to say concerning your health, because I can go on for hours about that (sorry, hubby).

   Anyway. Just wanted to get that off my chest. I know I'm not alone--so many people talk about feeling burned out, but there's not much talk about what you can do about it when terribly long hiatuses don't do a thing. And it's all well and good to say you're not going to worry about it, but if you're anything like me, that's just a waste of hot air. I'm the kind of person who holds on to things and nibbles at them worryingly for many years. It doesn't matter how hard  try to "let go"--because believe me, I do try--I can't shake the thoughts and obsessions. I won't get much deeper into that, because you don't want to hear me regurgitate an entire semester's worth of self-insight I gained from my psychiatric rotation, but let me say I have gained a lot.

   So. I'm not okay, but I'm not going anywhere.


   Here's a picture of my cats:

You're welcome!

6 comments:

Jessica Hill said...

Awh, your cats are adorable!

I completely understand. Just this week, I was thinking about disappearing from the internet, something I think about doing quite often. It's not always an easy place to be, especially when you're one who holds on to and obsesses over things—which is why my internet activity is always all over the place. Sometimes it's just a bad place for me to be.

So while I'll totally miss seeing you around Twitter and everything, I do understand. Hope you feel better about things soon! <33

Sarah Ahiers said...

I will miss you on twitter (not that i'm on there allll that much. I still prefer FB) and i'm super glad that you undeleted your blog.

And also, this: It's okay to admit that seeing other people either constantly promoting their or their friends' successes grates on you when you're not in the place to be working toward that yourself

I hear that so loud and clear. Sometimes all that stuff just rolls off me. And sometimes that stuff is like a punch to the gut and sends me into a mindset i don't like to be in (last night was one of those times, for whatever reason. Then i had bad dreams about it. Sigh).

So all i can do is give you internet hugs, tell you you're awesome (because you totally are) and that i believe in you.

Old Kitty said...

Awwww lovely Summer!! Looking at your beautiful cats just makes everything seem better!! Seriously. Cats. They make so much more sense!

:-) Take care
x

Hannah Kincade said...

Hey, you know I disappeared for a while from the whole blog scene and I'm not really back either or at least, not how I was. And I'm okay with that. I'm reconnecting with old friends, some writers, some not. And I don't make a big deal about it. I'm glad I'm starting from square one. It helps to avoid all the nonsense. I'll tell you more in a personal note about how I feel. Until then, I'm always glad to hear from you in any medium.

Nelson Souzza said...

Hello my dear friend, and I was reading your website, I just wanna say I really love it! The overall look of your website is fantastic , as well as the content! Congratulations for your amazing work ! I follow your blog (629)... Hope you'll follow me back.... I wish you Happiness and Joy… And Blessings for the New Year. I wish you the best of everything… That you so well deserve.
Greetings from Rio de Janeiro/ Brasil
Nelson

Linda G. said...

You know, sometimes you just have to take a break from it all -- the tweeting, the FB-ing, the blog-writing and blog-visiting. It's too easy to let it overtake you otherwise.

But thanks for letting us know you're okay. :)

And I love the kitty pic -- so adorable!