Monday, January 3, 2011

Show Me Yours Blogfest

Today's the triad-hosted blogfest, in which we share a cleaned-up passage (500 words or less) from our 2010 NaNoWriMo novels.

For the complete list of participants, you can check here or here.

I had a lot of passages I liked from Dry Run, but I decided to share the end of the novel. Yes, that's right: the end.

It's 647 words long, but I think the extra 147 words were necessary for setting the scene.
Thanks for stopping by, and please be sure to check out the other entries!


*******


Donovan burst onto the scene, nausea pounding through his throat, spinning his head. He felt the collision with her time bubble, and the impact sent him over the edge. His weak body convulsed on itself and he fell forward, stomach heaving. Stars danced across his vision even as he struggled to finish, to climb to his feet.
She stood at the focal point, the three men dangling in the air in front of her. Each expression frozen. Anger, hatred. And the fear born of pure love.
Pushing himself across the frozen ground, he grabbed her ankle, fingers nearly unresponsive from the cold.
She jerked, then looked down at him. He felt the automatic battering of her power against him, but he was ready. Deflected it off with a simple shrug. And then the surprise of recognition flared across her face.
“Stop.” His voice sounded weak, and he burst into a coughing fit. She stared at him, expression morphing from shock into anger, and then resolution.
“I can’t.”
Sorrow drenched her words, hitting him in the gut. But still he dragged himself standing. Both their shoulders heaving. Gazes locked through the inky air.
“You can’t change it.”
She snapped her gaze away from him, locking it on the man in the middle of the air. A lock of hair fell forward over his left eye. At her sides, her fingers curled into fists.
“Yes I can.”
He felt her intention shift before she moved. Even as she brought her hand up, resolution blazing in her eyes, he hated himself for what he had to do.
Their hands met in a burst of light, red and gold mixing like fireworks. A supernova star. She pushed against him, her will nearly overpowering.
Around them, the bubble of time warped.
Hardening his heart into the solid core of ice he’d come to embrance, he whipped his left hand forward. It struck her directly on the temple, the perfect amount of pressure to knock her brain into her skull.
Their eyes met, and in the last flash before she collapsed to the ground, he felt every nuance of her hurt and sorrow rend his soul.
And then she hit the ground with a solid thud.
Time snapped back into instant play, and Donovan let himself fall to the ground beside her, eyes trained on the scene in front of them.
The primal’s strike flashed forward.
Adam Savage’s lips formed his wife’s name even as the silver blade burrowed into his throat. A crimson arc sprayed into the air, and then he was falling, falling.
Donovan bent forward over Claire, covering her body with his. Hiding her unseeing eyes from the vision before them.
Adam hit the ground, hand splaying open toward his wife. Dark eyes locked on Donovan.

And then the air around them twisted into a vortex, and Donovan dug his fingers into Claire’s clothing, holding her against him with all his strength as the purchase he’d made slammed its bargain home.
Darkness swept around them, tucking them into its frigid womb. Like the center of a tornado, everything screamed and whirled until he thought he might separate from his soul.

And then it all went still.
Donovan Stryker opened his eyes, feeling the sticky resistance of blood seeping from his tear ducts.
Beneath him, Claire Savage lay still, like a doll. Chest rising and falling. His head spun with a whirlwind of emotions, fear and anger and rage and terror and love all mixing and pummeling him until he almost wished that he’d stayed behind.
Maybe he could leave before she woke. How many times would he be the cause of her heart breaking? How many times could one man break a woman until she was gone forever?
He pushed himself to his hands and knees, chest constricted. Breath ragged. Stomach twisting, mouth dry and sour.

She opened her eyes.

38 comments:

Christine Danek said...

Summer,
This is great. I really like this. I miss reading your writing. I hope you had a great holiday.
Happy New Year!

Tessa Conte said...

Nice!!

Now I want to read the rest of it!

Thanx for hosting this 'fest!

Ellie said...

Hi Summer. Thank you for hosting this awesome blogfest, along with Hannah and Sarah. I can't wait to read everyone's excerpts.

What an ending you have. Your novel is exactly the type I like and after reading your ending, I so want to read it from the beginning! Great stuff.

Jon Paul said...

Wow! Talk about being blown away. I'm anxious to read the rest!

Thanks for hosting this awesome blogfest! Hope you're feeling better!

Margo Benson said...

Thank you for co-hosting this Blogfest, it's wonderful, I'm enjoying reading so many wonderful pieces. I loved this, so gripping and exciting, definately want to read more.

Tony Benson said...

Summer, thanks for co-hosting the Blogfest and thanks for sharing this fabulous excerpt. It had me breathless all the way through.

Hannah Kincade said...

wow, dude. I didn't even notice that it was longer because I was riveted. I think my fave bit is "sticky resistance of blood." eeeeewwwww! Love it!

Anne Gallagher said...

This was absolutely fantastic! Go you! And I wish it was longer. Or I had read the beginning.

Charity Bradford said...

Wow, the emotions are so powerful that even though I don't know the history, I can feel it. Very nicely done. Now, I'm so curious about all that history...

Mara Nash said...

Nicely done! And thanks for cohosting. It's lots of fun!

Sarah Ahiers (Falen) said...

You had me at "Time Bubble"
Is this really the very ending? Because if so, it is awesome! Also, like Hannah, i enjoyed the blood description.
I love the stops and starts of time. That is a full on win for me.

Old Kitty said...

Oh wow!! What an ending!! How dramatic and full of emotion!! It read like opera!!! Full on heart on sleeve, dripping with death, life, love, despair and redemption!

Lovely!!

Take care
x

J.C. Martin said...

Love the action in this! Reading it was like a thrill ride! It was emotionally intense to say the least! Good job, and thanks for hosting this awesome blogfest!

Justin W. Parente said...

Hi Summer,

Thanks for hosting this! Fantastic choice for a blogfest, especially since I loved most of my NaNo excerpt, too.

So this moved along very nicely. The description is clean in the beginning and I rather like it. It's not overbearing with metaphor, making me struggle to see stuff. A good half of writers drown description inside metaphor, and it can be done properly. Yours is simple and I love it.

I would take a glance at the middle portion here, though. I noticed some telling. It was when the attack came at her temple and you said something like "it was the right amount of pressure to...so and so." Knock that sentence out. Say, "The pressure hit her temple and her brain rocked against her skull. The perfect strike." Something along that.

No other complaints. Wonderful excerpt!

Thanks,

JWP
In My Write Mind

Rebecca T. said...

That was crazy! I definitely would like to see what comes before this! Thanks for co-hosting! This should be a lot of fun :)

Teebore said...

You had me at "Time Bubble"

No, you had ME at "time bubble"! ;)

I'm a sucker for time travel stories so this definitely left me wanting to read more. The way time was ricocheting around, the conflict, I really want to know all of what this is concluding.

The Golden Eagle said...

I was hooked at the start and swept all the way through--great writing!

Summer Ross said...

There is a lot going on here, some good action points and some points that lend to a readers curiosity. Well done.

Teri Anne Stanley said...

Okay, baby...if this is the end, then there'd better be a sequel!

My favorite line: "Darkness swept around them, tucking them into its frigid womb"

Maybe because I'm freezing my tookus off right now, but that is perfect.

kelworthfiles said...

I'm not sure entirely what's happening here, but I like it - like the description, all the weird stuff happening like time bubbles and explosions of light and slashed throats and broken hearts.

A few slightly critical observations - I noticed that both later passages started with 'And then...', which seems needlessly repetitive. Also, when the lines of dialog are all by themselves, it's harder to figure out who is speaking. But very well written overall. Good luck with this project!

I'm having a great time with this blogfest, so thanks for helping bring it about.

Lisa-Marie Jordan said...

Wow, that was really intense! Makes me wonder how they go there in the first place!

Elizabeth Twist said...

I loved the phrase "the inky air." This kind of stuff is right up my alley. Like almost everyone else, I wanted to know how all this came about!

Caroline said...

I definitely want to know more about these characters. Do I detect a sequel in that last line (plus the bit about how many times)? Thanks for sharing!

-Caroline
Untitlement: the blog

Misa said...

While I've no idea what's happenening, or why, this was engrossing! Fabulous :)

L'Aussie said...

Hi Summer! This is a real crazy ride! Great excerpt. You have us all screaming for more! Happy New Writing Year!

NiaRaie said...

Summer,
This really great writing. Very descriptive, which I love. :)

NiaRaie said...

Summer,
This really great writing. Very descriptive, which I love. :)

Lisa Potts said...

Thanks so much for co-hosting this blogfest. It's been really fun reading all the excerpts. Yours was great. Very intriguing. I would love to read more.

Jemi Fraser said...

Love this! My heart was breaking for them both - nicely done :)

The Words Crafter said...

AAAaaaarrrrrrggggggg!!!!!! I want the rest of it!

This was different, unique, and wonderfully done.

Just WOW!

Jodi Henry said...

Thanks for co-hosting this fest.

Your ending was wonderful. Packed with emotion and intense. Great details and description too.

J

Jessica Lei said...

This read so fast! Gerat pacing for this kind of scene. Thanks so much for sharing :)

Katrina L. Lantz said...

Riveting! Extra words didn't even exist. :)

Thanks for hosting!

Tracy Z. said...

That was gripping from start to finish. What a wonderful piece, extra words or not!

Tracy said...

I missed this blogfest somehow.

It can be difficult to get into a piece of work from the end of a story you don't know, I really liked it. I have no idea what the hell is going on exactly . . . but I liked it. :D

LOVE the name Donovan Stryker!!

Dan said...

This was really good. I loved the tempo; it didn't drag, but it wasn't rushed, either. I'm intrigued by the "time-bubble" concept, too.

Tara said...

Fantastic ending lines. Glad to see this story is shaping up so nicely :)

Lola Sharp said...

You know I loves me some time bubbles. :)

Nice to see you have your ending. I guess this means you figured out your path, yes?